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His most successful initiative, he said, was taking them for lessons at the tennis club each weekend, which they very much enjoyed.However, after more than a year, it became clear that mutual parenting wasn't working and Mark and Jenny decided to settle for the next best thing: 'polite parenting'.

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One way or another, your joint responsibilities will have to include making it possible - and enjoyable - for children to be closely in touch with each parent.

When both parents make an effort to do this, they sometimes find that part of the lonely space left by the broken partnership has been filled with what I call 'mutual parenting'.

This is the best possible gift they can make to their children.

And although parents no longer get legal aid for any other aspect of their break-up, mothers can get it for this because a child's safety is involved.

(A fact, I'm afraid, that's making this type of accusation more common.) However, if there's the least chance that a parent has been abusive, no contact can be allowed until the matter has been investigated.

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